2009.

I just want to quickly point out that I have absolutely wayyy too many games that I either a) haven't finished or, b) haven't even started.

2009 was the year of me being a douche. That is all.

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Gamestop is Retarded.

There's not much I can add to this story if you've read about it somewhere else already, but I just feel compelled to comment on how stupid this is. So, let me get this straight. I'll be able to walk into a Gamestop store, pick out the DLC I want to buy, go to the register and pay for it, and then.......go home and still have get on Live and download it? Why the fuck did I just waste my time and gas money driving all the way to Gamestop? Stupid and pointless. They also said something about a large market for full game downloads being a ways off. You mean, like, Games on Demand? Right, Gamestop, good job.

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Deadly Premonition - More Horror Bang for your Buck

In keeping with my promotion of budget titles, I give you another probably little-known game that's slated for a March 2010 release at $19.99. Developed by Access Games (the guys who made Spy Fiction) and published by Ignition Entertainment (they also published Muramasa: The Demon Blade in North America), Deadly Premonition is a survival horror game where you play as Francis Morgan, a detective out to solve a murder in - you guessed it - some fucked up place where weird shit is going down. All I've seen is the trailer that I'll have below, so I'm only slightly more informed than you are. But from watching it, the game looks interesting. One could say the graphics aren't cutting-edge, and they would be right. But there were parts in the trailer, such as the women whispering in each others' ears while some weirdo children with wings or something sit on swings, that had a suitably creepy vibe to it. I hope the game turns out well, because I love the horror genre - be it in movies or games. If nothing else, I've never played anything that, as a contextual game mechanic, had you trying to pull a woman's arm out of your mouth. That's fucked up.





For more info on the game, their website is pretty cool. There's a blog from the game director which is obviously translated into English from Japanese. Good times.

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Shadow of the Colossus is going to be made into a movie.

I was going to just make a post that said Sony can go fuck themselves, but I've now thought better of it. Instead, I'm going to tell them exactly why their ape brains are apparently venting too many nutrients, because this is fucking retarded.

According to Variety, Sony is readying a film version of Shadow of the Colossus, to be written by Justin Marks. Who is Justin Marks, you ask? Let me tell you. He wrote the fantastically deep and thoughtful Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li. Sony, let me ask you a question. What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you fucking serious? What, from the long list of, I'm sure, excellent films this dude has written, has given you the impression he could pen a story for Shadow of the Colossus? Actually, I'm getting ahead of myself. What makes you think Shadow of the Colossus could, in any conceivable way, be turned into a film that resembles something other than a freshly-laid loaf?

You see, there is a very important thing that a lot of industry leaders seem to just not realize, or not give a shit about:

Games, as a medium, is way different than film. Something that works well in a game won't necessarily work at all in a movie. I have the same problem with Bioshock being fucked over, but this right here goes above and beyond the call of duty (and no, that shouldn't be made into a movie, either). There is absolutely nothing in Shadow of the Colossus that would lead anyone to believe a film should be made about it. First off, what would it be about? The game had a story, but it was pretty much all subtext and inference; you got out as much as you put in. The genius and beauty about it was the journey, not the dialogue or cutscenes. If I were a betting man, I'd lay a sizeable chunk down on there being a fucking sappy, drawn-out love story between a couple of asshats I hate looking at. I'll say this much, though - if I had any sort of confidence in a movie studio to at least try their best to keep every single thing about the game that made it special intact, then I would only be, on a mad-as-piss scale of 10, at about a 10. But my confidence levels being what they are, I'm now at about a 35, give or take.

Face it, Sony, you're not going to keep its spirit intact, you're not going to have minimal dialogue, you're not going to have it be ten hours long, you're not even going to keep the story the same, and you're sure as fuck not going to get me to go see this god damned debacle.

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News: Gamerscore blog team let go by Microsoft.....

.....and it's news like this that really saddens me, because Microsoft says they're all about community. Sure, they have a lot of problems, but what huge company doesn't? But letting go a large part of their direct link with the people who like their products and services doesn't sit well with me. I understand why this happened - the economy sucks, and they had to trim their belt a bit. But it's people like Major Nelson and the Gamerscore blog folks who kept their community alive, so I would think they could find a way to keep those few people under their employ. I don't really have much else to say about it except that, especially since the 1up debacle, I've found it increasingly more important for me to go to the smaller sites and blogs for more in-depth and thoughtful discussions. Gamerscore blog was no doubt part of Microsoft's PR machine, but when you look at how Sony does things, you should be able to appreciate what Microsoft was aiming for with the blog team. This sucks, but at least some other company will eventually pick up some enthusiastic people who actually care about what people like us have to say.

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Just a reminder.....

.....that the Fable II DLC is out now, so get on that. There's three new quests/dungeons, six new weapons, more outfits and potions that change your appearance, and now you can customize your weapons with a new augment tool. I liked Fable II a lot, so I can't see any reason not to boot the game back up and download this. Plus, when the game loads I should have like a bagillion dollars. Owning property, well...owns.

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Crystal Dynamics staff cut by 30 members; makes interesting companion piece...

...to my previous post. If you were to look at these two posts, the stories wouldn't correlate. The Crystal Dynamics news is pretty much the exact opposite of everything I just said. I still hold fast to my opinion that the safer the product, the more sales you'll see, but this bit of news makes me wonder -- with a very sad panda face -- just what the hell is wrong with people?


I mean, seriously. What the fuck is wrong with people? Tomb Raider did exactly what conservative people would have you believe was the smart thing to do; they made the same game, with some added improvements. Now let me just say that I love the revamped Tomb Raider series, blemishes and all. It's some of the best platforming you could ask for, and a story you could definitely ask better of. Who really gives a shit what's going on in a Tomb Raider game? Surely, not I. I know she's usually looking for some artifact that has to do with her mum, daddy, Amanda or that crazy winged bitch. Yea, whatever. That next jump looks pretty tough, so I gotta go.


My main concern here, however, is that the game underperformed. Is it because the story is finally getting old with this franchise? Are they not innovating enough within the platforming genre? Is the world not believable enough in these scrutinizing modern times? Or are you bastards just looking a gift horse in the mouth? I think the answer is a little bit of everything.


Using Uncharted as a reference point, the story and characters of Tomb Raider are utter shit. I don't think anyone would argue that point, however heart breaking it might be. Nathan Drake is a much more believable character; he seems like an actual human being, not some super hero who can do back flips on motorcycles using nigh but their sexy yet well built calf muscles. At the same time, I don't mind the stupidity of Tomb Raider. Call me a hypocrite, an idiot, or a boob-starer if you must, but I can't help it. Yes, everything about Uncharted(except the platforming) is technically better than Tomb Raider, but I can't quit the old girl just yet. Now, you people need to get on board with me. Pretty please? Read more...